Women's roles over our thousand years of history have regularly changed. Some good, some bad and in every strata of society they have been different. I'm not going into all of them because I would end up writing a book and many books of this kind have already been written.
But there are some things that grate my carrot. There is this huge and ridiculous pressure from Western Society that, as a woman of the 21st century, you should be in a successful relationship / marriage, have a career, kids and a mortgage by the time you turn 30. And that that should you not have achieved these milestones then you would be an unsuccessful spinster for the rest of your life and that you will be forever unfulfilled because you do not have children
What a load of BS! And sadly this nonsense is perpetuated my media and chickflicks. No wonder our generation is one of very confused women.
Career. Not everyone is cut out for a career, as we aren't all super competitive people. I'm 31 and only now coming into my own in terms of my work. Will I ever be a career woman. I don't know. I'm not competitive. I like having a life outside work. Only time will tell.
Regarding kids. I don't want any. Reasons:
I'm grateful my parents had me. Part of me is sad that I am the last in line with the family surname. The only other person with the surname is a distant cousin who hasn't had kids either. But hey, that's how the cookie crumbles and I won't cry over it.
Relationships. I'm very happy single. Being an only child I've learned to be happy by myself. And this is something my mother told me and she has been spot on about it.
Mortgage. In this economic climate, it's a tricky one. And with the house prices in South Africa getting a bond is no easy task. No such thing as 100% bonds with low interest rates. My friend L'Emmerdeuse and her husband bought their first flat in Paris. A 100% bond wit no interest! So unfair. I bought my duplex with the help of my folks. There was no way I could have done by myself.
So please, the perpetrators of this BS, please STOP IT! I am not missing anything by not having kids. I am happily single and I have a "Rabbit". I am leading my life at my own pace and enjoying it thankyouverymuch!
But there are some things that grate my carrot. There is this huge and ridiculous pressure from Western Society that, as a woman of the 21st century, you should be in a successful relationship / marriage, have a career, kids and a mortgage by the time you turn 30. And that that should you not have achieved these milestones then you would be an unsuccessful spinster for the rest of your life and that you will be forever unfulfilled because you do not have children
What a load of BS! And sadly this nonsense is perpetuated my media and chickflicks. No wonder our generation is one of very confused women.
Career. Not everyone is cut out for a career, as we aren't all super competitive people. I'm 31 and only now coming into my own in terms of my work. Will I ever be a career woman. I don't know. I'm not competitive. I like having a life outside work. Only time will tell.
Regarding kids. I don't want any. Reasons:
- I don't like them. Simple as that. I have no maternal feelings towards the critters. I'm happy for my friends who are happy to be having them, but please do not expect me to gush over them. And what is it with women speaking to babies in high-pitched squeaky voices. If I was those kids I'd puke all over them. I don't speak to my cats that way and I consider them my fur babies.
- Our planet is severely overpopulated. Why bring spawnlings into the world where there will be a serious lack of resources in the near future.
- Bringing up kids is extremely expensive and time consuming. You loose all your independence and money. Yes that is a very selfish attitude on my part, but I rather like my independence.
I'm grateful my parents had me. Part of me is sad that I am the last in line with the family surname. The only other person with the surname is a distant cousin who hasn't had kids either. But hey, that's how the cookie crumbles and I won't cry over it.
Relationships. I'm very happy single. Being an only child I've learned to be happy by myself. And this is something my mother told me and she has been spot on about it.
"If you cannot be happy by yourself, you will never be happy in a relationship. A significant other is not there to complete you, but to complement you."Too true. I have known serial daters, who could not be on their own for any period of time and were always flitting fro one person to the next, never happy with what came their way. I'm in no rush to be in a relationship. Over the years I have found out what I want in a man and I will not settle for less. (That's another story that will be told another time).
Mortgage. In this economic climate, it's a tricky one. And with the house prices in South Africa getting a bond is no easy task. No such thing as 100% bonds with low interest rates. My friend L'Emmerdeuse and her husband bought their first flat in Paris. A 100% bond wit no interest! So unfair. I bought my duplex with the help of my folks. There was no way I could have done by myself.
So please, the perpetrators of this BS, please STOP IT! I am not missing anything by not having kids. I am happily single and I have a "Rabbit". I am leading my life at my own pace and enjoying it thankyouverymuch!
Sheesh, and I was just having a convo this morning about how it MUST be a cultural thing for South African... er... Africans (dude I'm trying to avoid the word black but I have to admit, it's kinda handy, even when you are one) because I literally get abuse hurled at me from all directions because I haven't "gone out and fallen preganant" - like it's the normal thing to do!! And this BS about doing it all before you turn 30?? Who the f*** set that damn deadline? I for one will have none of those things before 30. On the other hand, I will ALSO have an awesome life, and awesome bank balance, sanity and sufficient sleep. I'll probably also have more beautiful skin. Oooh and when everyone else's kids realise that their parents spent their time focusing on procreation instead of improving their intellect, they'll be coming to me for answers. So I'll get all the respect as well. I dunno, to me that sounds like I get all the good stuff and they have to change diapers.
ReplyDeleteOh, there will be another rant about relationship expectations that you'll just love!
ReplyDeleteRight. Erm.... Hello. Is this thing on. Testing , testing. Ok, let me throw in my 7 cents worth.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who has access to kids (although they are very far from me at the moment) I can say that they are amazing creatures and cannot find any part of my experience with them bad. Yes, I enjoy the fact that we ( Erica and myself ) do not have kids and that we will be having the conversation next year or so with the current thought "Hell NO", but ...erm... what was I saying. Oh yes. Kids. They are amazing and can complete your life in ways that you cannot think of right now. I am not saying that you should all go out and have them or that society is not very biased towards that norm. I am just saying that being militant about it is maybe not the way to go either.
Kids are nice and I miss them, but do not want them. Not sure if that makes sense.
Anyway. Love the ranting and enjoy the thoughts you crazy person you. :)
I don't agree with the word complete. The better word would be complement. Only you can complete your own life. To rely on someone/something else to complete is not recommended. The people around you complement you and make things even better. Don't know if that makes sense?
ReplyDeleteYeah, the patriarchy hurts us all. Even men are negatively impacted by these gender norms that have been handed down to us from generation to generation.
ReplyDeleteFor example, I visited a bar and my sister-in-law regaled me of the tale of the toilet seats in the ladies' loos having the most beautiful sparkly bits.
There were no such sparkly additions to anything in the gent's toilets, and I felt poorer for having missed out on such livery.
As for your points regarding children:
1. I don't much like other people's children either (some are sort of ok). For some reason, one's own child is generally quite pleasing to have around.
2. That overpopulation thing? It's a myth.
3. For this last point you have been reliably informed. If you want to maintain complete autonomy in your life, children are not recommended.
If you are ready to selflessly give of yourself completely to another human being, children give you a powerful reward that is difficult to describe but is certainly not financially lucrative in nature.