Ponderings on Urges

I read an article today on Women24 (yeah, not THE greatest source of literary writing but fun nevertheless) where the writer pondered on the lack of sex women seem to be having. She mentioned how pre-marriage people tend to shag like bunnies and then it dwindles (is this true my dear married friends?), most often the cause being having children, which I can understand as they do take up a lot of time and energy. Then she went on to say “Maybe ladies need to take their cues from men – don’t over evaluate or examine sex. In other words, don’t look for a reason, just a place!” And another article I came across talked about how to have a guilt-free one night stand.

Now I have been single for almost 2 years. I also have not had sex in 2 years (and I have not had mind-blowing sex in 4 years). Am I sexually frustrated? More than  anyone can imagine!   I however refuse to have sex with total strangers just to satisfy my urges. Sex for me is deeply emotional. Also in this day and age of rampant STIs and HIV/AIDS, do you really want to get hot and steamy with someone who’s sexual history you know nothing about?

Over the years I have confirmed that the majority of single guys out there only want one thing from a woman. And shagging willy-nilly will not help anyone (man or woman) find a long-term partner. If a man is serious about a relationship, then I firmly believe he will wait a few months before jumping in the sack. Think of Sex and the City. Were the girls ever satisfied with their random encounters? Of course not.

Am I an old-fashioned biddy? I don’t think so. When I was an insecure student I did have a few one night stands. I didn’t enjoy them and I felt used afterwards. It took me a long time and many unsatisfying encounters to realise that I’m worth so much more. I grew developed self-respect. I have not always made the best choice when it came to dating. Some men I ended up with because I was at a desperate stage, thinking I would never find anything else. They are the men I regret dating the most.

So even though my libido is through the roof, I will not head off for the nearest guy for a shag. I refuse to give in to our society’s propensity for instant gratification. I have come to terms that I am likely to be single for the rest of my life, as men feel threatened by smart, tall independent women (by the time you reach my age, the guys who aren’t intimidated by such women are all happily in relationships with said awesome women who were lucky enough to get to them before the rest of us). I am luckily not the type of woman who needs a man to feel happy. As a single child I learnt to be happy by myself. I don’t want someone to complete me but to complement me. I have my family, my friends and my cats. So I’m content. Yes a relationship would be lovely but not a necessity.

And until I meet a man whom I’m attracted to physically and intellectually and who feels the same about me (highly unlikely as it may be), my sexual BFF remains my trusty rabbit.