Fifty Shades of Indifference

It would seem that the book trilogy of Fifty Shades of Grey has taken the world by storm. By world I mean the world of child-bearing 30+ women who have nothing better to do in their lives than escape to the sad and pathetic world of BDSM “mommy porn” (as the book is being marketed).

The only reason I heard about the book is because I follow MrsStephenFry on Twitter and she retweeted a funny post by 50ShedsofGrey, which also featured in HRHPrincessKate and PrinceWillsUK’s tweets. Anyone who follows these characters would know that anything they retweet is silly and not to be taken seriously (but highly entertaining). As I started following the tweets and laughed myself off my couch, I was at the same time puzzled by the nature of the tweets. Then from outer influences I started hearing about Fifty Shades of Grey. With the help of my trusty research sidekick (thank you Google) I found out a bit more. Unfortunately.

I read up the synopsis and can quite frankly say that Mills & Boon’s “The Spanish Billionaire’s Pregnant Wife” has more of a plot than 50SoG. I know because I read the Mills & Boons on a holiday when I had read all my other books and there was nothing else to read in the holiday house where I was staying. When desperate you will read the back of cereal boxes, admit it.

I could not understand how this trilogy could become so popular (but I guess it’s the same with Twilight, and note that 50SoG started off a Twilight based fan fiction. Need I say more?). Then realisation dawned. I have grown up in a liberal household. The naked body and sex was never a taboo subject. My parents even have the complete works of Gustav Klimt’s erotica. I remember asking my mom how babies were made. She told me, not the birds and the bees, but the real deal. I was cool with her answer. It didn’t shock me, and I was 4 years old! My dad once told a teacher of mine that I was a late baby (10 years into their marriage) but that him and my mom had lots of fun practicing. You can therefore understand why I never had this mind block that is so prevalent in English speaking countries. English speaking countries are still VERY prude. Continental Europe is much more relaxed.

My theory is that if you have grown up with something that is viewed as taboo and scandalous then when you come across it and you partake in it, you feel naughty and wicked doing so and it gives you a frisson. You feel bold and like a risk taker. Hence the books’ popularity.

The demographic of readers is predominantly housewives and mommies. Why? Because they live dreary dull lives that they want to escape from (if BDSM erotica can be considered spicy. It reflects more the fact that you have some serious issues and you need to see a shrink if getting spanked and chained up is the only way you can get your rocks off. Yes I have met people in the “community” and yes they major unresolved issues.). Of course I’m not saying that ALL moms have dull and dreary lives. But those that subscribe to this nonsense sadly do. The fact that many of these women’s’ lives are dull and dreary is quite sad actually. Rather than hiding in this erotic fantasy the ladies should GO AND SHAG THEIR HUSBANDS! I can guarantee the husbands will appreciate it. If they want to use a bit of kink to spice things up, by all means. But no book will “rescue” them from dull dreary lives. One is responsible for one’s own sexual happiness.

So you Ladies who might be reading the book: put it down and get a life. Put the kids to bed, you are not their slave, and get frisky with thine husbands! You’ll be much happier for it. Oh, and follow the twits I mentioned. You’ll have a good giggle.

In honour of 50ShedsofGrey:

Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed though.

“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip, “I need to be punished”. So I invited my mother to stay for the weekend.

“Hurt me,” she begged, raising her skirts s she bent over my workbench. “Very well,” I replied, “You’ve got fat ankles and no dress sense.”

“I am your master. You will obey my rules.” She rolled her eyes and walked out of the shed. That’s definitely it -  I need to get a new cat!