Happiness

Today was International Happiness Day. On Facebook there was an event page that asked for people to list one thing that made them happy. I thought about it for a long time. What makes me happy? All the things that came to mind were actually things that I am grateful for, and I realise that underneath it all, what I am grateful for makes me happy.  

Grateful to be alive; for the close bond I have with my parents; grateful for the wonderful people in my life; for doing a job that I actually like; for a roof over my head; for sushi… and chocolate…and wine.

Grateful for walking barefoot in the grass; for feeling the wind in my hair; the smell of the rain and amazing South African thunderstorms.

Grateful for my best friends, who although they are thousands of kilometres away in London, are always there for me.

Grateful for these crazy monsters who pile on top of me at night and purr me to sleep.

 

Grateful for love. Giving it. Receiving it.

I probably sound like one of those cheesy motivational posters, but love makes me happy. Such a small thing yet so big and powerful.

Hanging on to the Bandwagon

I trust and respect myself and deserve to satisfy my inner needs!

(Thank you to Clemma for this cute pic that made my day)

The last couple of weeks have been interesting, between going to the DRC for work, getting ill and eating big doses of antibiotics (dear Augmentin manufacturer, please make your pills smaller so that they are easier to swallow), and starting my first project managing role.

I have managed to lose some more weight and cms since my last weigh in 3 weeks ago, so I’m definitely getting my carb / protein ratio right. I will not pretend that it has been easy. Being ill made it even harder to be disciplined. The last thing I’ve wanted to do is cook. I did manage to make myself some soup for lunches last week, but suppers have been opportunistic and far from being a healthy choice at the best of times. I’ve also not been to gym for 2 weeks and I’m craving it! My lungs are finally clearing up so I should be able to slowly get going again.

I realise that I need to make a bigger effort to have home-cooked supper meals readily available. As my housemate is only home 2 or 3 nights a week, cooking for one is rather tricky. And I’m utterly not in the mood for cooking these days. There are some unidentified frozen dishes lurking in the freezer. I think it’s time to investigate them. Toss out what shouldn’t even be in the fridge. The sad thing is that there seems to me more condiments in that fridge than anything else (mostly my housemate’s. Do we really need that many? There are many variations on the chilli theme. I think she forgets she has that stuff and I don’t go near it, I like my taste buds). Once I’ve done that I need to be really prepared and disciplined.

It’s very hard to do this solo. Last year I did a challenge with Sean and it worked well until he bailed out on me. I need to find someone who is determined to get healthy, who will not sabotage the process, and who will rise to the challenge.

On the positive side of things, I am making more time for me. I have stopped accepting every invite that is being sent out. I am getting back in contact with my dear friends with whom I feel I have not been communicating enough. I’ve realised how much I miss them. I’m watching less TV, reading more and spending time in my garden. I’m also trying to look after my skin better: no more skipping on cleansing my face at night; I make sure that I treat my nails and cuticles every night; applying hand cream after every time I wash my hands; moisturising! This is all part of the Looking After Gerlinde Plan: pampering (without breaking the bank) and giving me some much needed love.

So here is the plan for the coming weeks:

1.       Find a health and fitness buddy who will not bail out on me.

2.       Make more time to see close friends.

3.       Sort out the fridge and toss anything unhealthy / old and manky / mysterious.

4.       BE DISCIPLINED AND PREPARED!

5.       Plan weekly meals.

6.       Get back to gym (at least 3 times a week) and start training for the 15km 702 Walk the Talk.

7.       Eat out not more than once a week, preferably not more than twice a month (my finances will be grateful too).

8.       No take-outs or convenience meals (happy waist and wallet).

9.       NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER SURRENDER!

Happiness and Resentment: A Strange Mix

I am in a weird emotional space these days. And I am not entirely sure how to deal with it.

Over the last couple of months, quite a few close friends of mine have fallen pregnant or given birth. Even though I am the least maternal person, I am happy for my friends. This is something they’ve been planning for a while.

But it feels strange being surrounded by friends who are becoming parents. Then again, we are all in our early 30’s so it does make sense for them to have kids. I guess I’m the odd one out (single and non-broody).

A part of me feels somewhat resentful towards my friends. How are we going to do stuff from now on? Every event is going to have to cater to the fact that it must be child-friendly. It’s selfish I know, but I only have so many close friends, and the more have kids, the fewer options of getting out together we will have. As much as people say that they won’t let having kids restrict outing options, they still do. It’s not the parent’s fault. Having kids is a large responsibility and priorities shift.

And I feel bad about being resentful, after all, they are my friends and I adore them to bits. But it’s hard to adjust when you are not a baby/kiddie person at all. It’s going to be bye-bye to going out partying at night, no last-minute sushi, late dinner nights… I can’t say I’m looking forward to it, but it’s not always about me, right?

We all must make sacrifices, and just like my friends are making huge sacrifices by having a child, then I guess I should be able to do a small sacrificing by exchanging my selfishness for my friends.

Heh, who knows, maybe one day I will meet an amazing man who truly loves and respects me and we end up marrying and then possibly I’ll have kids. And then my outlook will change. Though the likelihood of meeting that man feels rather slim…