I have always had a nasty habit
of turning molehills into mountains. I am the poster child for anxiety girl. I
imagine the worst that could possibly happen and end a nervous wreck with panic
attacks. Great recipe, just what the doctor ordered.
Anxiety and panic are so
irrational. I know I shouldn’t, yet I can’t control it. I am ruled by my heart.
I went through a very bad phase mid-year to the point that I was prescribed
anti-anxiety medication. I know many people are against the use of medication,
but it certainly took me from basket case to normal, and for that I am very
grateful.
As I mentioned in a previous
post, I have been working on being more mindful. To be more self-aware. A technique
I started using was breathing.
In.
Out.
Allow the thoughts to come
forward, analyse them, decide whether it will matter in 5 years - usually they
don’t (Thank you for that piece of advice Joy), to breathe and let it go. And
generally the molehill was non-existent.
Case in point, last week while I
was on site I learned that a misbooking had happened and that I was on the
Wednesday instead of the Thursday flight back home. I didn’t have the number
for the lady who does our bookings, I was on a construction site and at a time
when I should have already been at the airport if I was to leave on that day.
So I breathed, decided fuck it, I would try and solve it when I got back to the
office because right now there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. When
I finally got back to the office, everything had already been sorted out,
crisis averted. And I wasn’t a gibberish mess.
I really hope that with continued
practice and awareness I can go off the meds next year January.
So in light of this new awakening,
I leave you with this rather fun song “Infinitesimal” by Mother Mother.
"Infinitesimal"
There’s a million, billion, trillion stars but I’m
down here low
Fussin’ over scars on my soul, on my soul, on my soul, on my soul
On my soul, I am so infinitesimal, oh
They say it started with a big bang
But they say it came out of a small thing
Lately I’m feeling like a big bang
‘Cause I’ve been making something out of nothing…Like my soul
Millions and billions and trillions of stars but I’m down here low
Fussin’ over scars on my soul, on my soul, on my soul, on my soul
On my soul, I am so infinitesimal, oh
They say it started with a big bang
But they say it was really just a small thing
Strangely I’m feeling like a big bang
‘Cause I’ve been making mountains out of concaves
Do you ever really think about the grains?
Every little one’s got a million things
Every little bit’s got a billion bits, and that ain’t it, no that ain’t it
And did you know that when you really get close
Nothing really touches, bro, just kind of floats?
So when you think it might just come to blows
Just so you know, it won’t, cause it can’t, bro
There’s a million, billion, trillion stars but I’m down here low
Fussin’ over scars on my soul, on my soul, on my soul, on my soul
On my soul, I am so infinitesimal, oh
They say it started with a big bang
But they say it was really just a small thing
Strangely I’m feeling like a big bang
‘Cause I’ve been making something out of nothing
Like my soul, just like my soul, you think it’s so infinitesimal
Fussin’ over scars on my soul, on my soul, on my soul, on my soul
On my soul, I am so infinitesimal, oh
They say it started with a big bang
But they say it came out of a small thing
Lately I’m feeling like a big bang
‘Cause I’ve been making something out of nothing…Like my soul
Millions and billions and trillions of stars but I’m down here low
Fussin’ over scars on my soul, on my soul, on my soul, on my soul
On my soul, I am so infinitesimal, oh
They say it started with a big bang
But they say it was really just a small thing
Strangely I’m feeling like a big bang
‘Cause I’ve been making mountains out of concaves
Do you ever really think about the grains?
Every little one’s got a million things
Every little bit’s got a billion bits, and that ain’t it, no that ain’t it
And did you know that when you really get close
Nothing really touches, bro, just kind of floats?
So when you think it might just come to blows
Just so you know, it won’t, cause it can’t, bro
There’s a million, billion, trillion stars but I’m down here low
Fussin’ over scars on my soul, on my soul, on my soul, on my soul
On my soul, I am so infinitesimal, oh
They say it started with a big bang
But they say it was really just a small thing
Strangely I’m feeling like a big bang
‘Cause I’ve been making something out of nothing
Like my soul, just like my soul, you think it’s so infinitesimal
I love your image of Anxiety girl and jumping to conclusions! :) I think it's better to care too much than too little. There was a point in my life where I stressed about every single thing, and some people critized it as: "you use your stress to drive you through life". I remember many sleepless nights and it drove me to the point where I didn't want to care AT ALL and I decided not to. In that time, I got so little done. I just existed and it was a relief, but looking back at that time, I regret getting so little done and NOT LIVING. You'll look back one day on all the stress for caring and you'll say: "It was worth it" :) Wrt medicines - I firmly believe in them, and believe that if I am forced to do exercise everyday of my life, brush my teeth and all these other tedious extra's to just normal everyday breathing, then popping a pill a morning for the rest of my life is actually not so bad :)
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