Am I fussy and full of shit?

Yesterday evening I went out for drinks with some of my colleagues. We had a great time and it was perfect to help us unwind. We talked about many things, and one of the conversations ended up revolving around relationships. My one colleague said to me "Stop being so fussy and full of shit and you'll find a man". Now it was said in jest, but it made me think about whether I am that fussy or not.

Now I know that the "perfect man" does not exist, just like God, Father Christmas, Unicorns and the Easter Bunny. But, having been around the dating circuit a bit, I know what pushes my buttons and what just doesn't work.

So yes, I do have a list. Let's see:

• Atheist (or non-theist). Dated the spiritual and religious guys. Never again thank you very much. They just didn't respect my point of view.

• Must have a similar cultural upbringing to me. If I make reference to Cthulhu (the guys in the office didn't understand why I was so chufed to see a reborn Cthulhu sticker on a car in the office basement. They had never hear of him) or Modigliani I would like the guy to get it. And in SA it can be quite hard. I look at my colleagues, sweet, smart people, but they tease me for my general knowledge. More than half the time they don't know what I'm on about. Now I'm not saying I need daily intellectual conversations, but run-of-the-mill topics get boring very quickly.
• Not a computer nerd. Dated a couple of guys who were so deep into their bloody PCs that it became a nuisance. Playing some PC games is fine, but living WoW, and spending every spare second you have in front of your machine? Thanks but no thanks. I want a relationship where I actually go out and do stuff (see my bucket list).
• Should enjoy reading, on a variety of topics. Sci-fi and fantasy don't cut the mustard. How about science, history, travel...
• Should enjoy cooking. It's awesome if a guy can cook. And not just one or two staple recipes.
• Taller than me. I've dated shorter guys and it's just weird and awkward.
• Preferably fit. A bit overweight is OK (yes I may be judgemental but fitter guys generally means better sex). I know I'm not the slimmest being out there but at least I'm doing something about it.
• Not clingy or jealous. Just trust me. I'm not going to cheat on you, so chill.
• Must have/rent his own place. I've decided that no man will move in with me unless he is serious about the relationship, and I mean SERIOUS as in wants to spend the rest of his life with me serious.

Of course all these prerequisites are all fine and good, but the most important thing is to have a deep connection. If the connection is there then all the rest is just an added bonus.

So until I meet  man with whom I "connect" on a deep and meaningful level then I will happily remain single until I do (though there will always be that element of jealousy at all my friends who are with someone with whom they've connected on a deeper level).

Then again, maybe I am fussy and full of shit. I don't know. You tell me.

Chocolate cake: 1 vs. Me: 0

Oh ye gods, seriously?! What is it with my mood these last 3 days? It’s not that time of the month so I have no excuse to feeling blue like this. It does not warrant eating a whole chocolate cake in 2 days. Yes. I ate a WHOLE cake this weekend. I just needed it. And I want more.

I’m feeling blue and cranky. I curled up the whole of Saturday between a book and watching loads of nonsensical TV. I barely had the energy on Sunday to grub around in my garden. Even Sissi realised something was up with me and she spent the weekend glued to me and being an utter darling.

Now I know I was tired on Saturday. Friday we had a work breakaway session. We went down to Parys and in the evening we partied like there was no tomorrow. I managed to avoid the hangover, but wow was I tired. I haven’t partied hard like that since varsity days. 7 years out of practice. I had a great time.

The person who invented Jager-Bombs should be shot. It’s vile! Because I’ve just joined the team I couldn’t actually say no. Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like in order to not be alienated by one’s team. It sucks and I wish it wasn’t necessary. I tried to get out of drinking the ghastly stuff by asking if I couldn’t have Sourz instead but it fell on deaf ears. So one JB followed by a bottle of water it was. And I didn’t keep track of how many JB’s went around. Shudder.

I digress.

I suspect that the blue feeling may be a mix of things. Being tired for one. I’m always more emotionally sensitive when tired.

Then my parents told me that they are going down to the Kruger from 18 December until sometime in January. Christmas is a special time of the year for me and spending it alone will be very hard. I am trying to organise a Christmas Eve supper to at least spend one of the days with close friends. It’s a tricky one though, as the majority of my closest and dearest friends will be doing their own family celebrations. And this is where being single hurts. If you’re in a relationship with someone special you can spend the holidays with them.

One of the guys at work asked me where I was going for the holidays. I told him I’m staying home. I got a strange look from him, as if I was some kind of freak to not get out of town for the holidays. First of all, I only have the few days between Christmas and the New Year and where would I go? Plus, holidaying solo sucks. It’s an extra nail in the coffin. Sure I could get friends and go somewhere with them. But wait, the majority are in relationships and I would be the third wheel. No, I’d rather hibernate in Joburg.

And to top it off I keep getting dodgy messages on dating-buzz, or else if I contact someone whom I think could be interesting to get to know all they want is friends with benefits. Seriously guys, is all you think about getting an easy fuck? Do you have absolutely no self-respect? No man will get access to that part of me without showing that he actually truly loves and values me. I realise there are decent guys out there, my cousin met her hubby via a dating website after all, but this crap is seriously making me want to cancel my profile.

I feel that there is also too much of a sensory overload at work today. One colleague is having constant telephonic kaffee klatsches, then there is drama unfolding on other projects, there’s constant blablablah, people talking on top of each other and I can’t even hide in my ipod as I can’t handle the music right now. I need to be somewhere quiet to work. I want to crawl right out of my skin like some moulting insect or amphibian.

ARGH! I want out! Now hand me that cake!

Darn it all to heck!

Hmm... I think that if after a very long second "date" the guy hasn't made a move it's probably only destined for friendship. Damn! He's a really nice guy to boot. So where the fuck will I meet the right guy who'll be as interested in me as I'll be in him? Or have I lost my mojo?